


Harry Potter and the Sorting Hat

by damadape



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Real World, Behind the Scenes, Book 1: Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone, Dimension Travel, Filming, Films, Gen, One Shot, Parody, RPF, Satire
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-08
Updated: 2020-08-08
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:09:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25786396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/damadape/pseuds/damadape
Summary: As Harry Potter puts on the Sorting Hat, everything suddenly changes. And why does everyone keep calling him Daniel?
Relationships: Daniel Radcliffe/Emma Watson, Daniel Radcliffe/Matthew Lewis, Harry Potter & Ron Weasley, Hermione Granger/Harry Potter, Rupert Grint/Daniel Radcliffe, Rupert Grint/Emma Watson, Tom Felton/Daniel Radcliffe, Tom Felton/Emma Watson, Tom Felton/Matthew Lewis, Tom Felton/Rupert Grint
Comments: 2
Kudos: 45





	Harry Potter and the Sorting Hat

**“Potter, Harry!”**

**As Harry stepped forward, whispers suddenly broke out like little hissing fires all over the hall.**

**_“Potter_ , did she say?”**

**_“The_ Harry Potter?”**

**The last thing Harry saw before the hat dropped over his eyes was the Hall full of people craning to get a good look at him. Next second he was looking at the black inside of the hat. He waited.**

‘Annnddddd ... CUT! Great work, everyone. That’s lunch!’ a voice boomed out.

Harry stiffened. What was going on now? He felt the hat being pulled off his head and was gently ushered off the chair by a young lady wearing comfortable, baggy clothes and what seemed to be a headset.

‘Great job, Daniel!’ said the man whose voice had boomed out earlier. He sounded distinctly American. ‘Ok, so we’re gonna carry on with this scene after lunch. How are you feeling? Are those glasses still giving you a hard time? I heard you got a really bad reaction to them!’

Harry somehow managed to find his voice. ‘Um ... no, I’m fine.’

‘Excellent, glad to hear it!’ He looked over his shoulder and gestured someone over to them. ‘Listen, do me a favour and go to the makeup department for a little touch up. Don’t make them keep you too long from your buddies though!’ He clasped his shoulder and hurried off. The lady that the man had beckoned led him to an empty, well-lit room and asked him to sit down in front of a large mirror while she went to fetch a make-up artist. His eyes immediately fell on a calendar that was hung up on the wall. Unless his eyes were deceiving him, he could have sworn that the year on the calendar said 2000, and not 1991. Choosing to ignore this, he turned to the head and spotted his reflection in the large mirror. As soon as he took one look at himself, Harry nearly let out a shout. His face looked different. It was no longer so thin, but a little rounder. The scar on his forehead looked a lot less distinctive. His hair was also a lot neater and his nose even seemed a little different as well. But the biggest surprise were his eyes. Gone were their brilliant green colour. Instead, they were now a startling blue.

‘Hello Daniel. I promise I won’t be long. Why don’t you sit down?’ said a friendly voice behind him.

Harry turned around and saw a woman with a kind face waiting gesturing for him to take a seat. Harry noticed that this was the second time that someone addressed him as Daniel. He decided to brush it off and sit down.

‘Now sit still, Daniel. I need to go over the scar again. Can you do that for me?’ she asked cheerfully.

The woman picked a hair clip and stuck it in his hair to hold up his fringe. She then grabbed up a thin brush and some makeup and, to Harry’s utter astonishment, started to touch up his lightning bolt-shaped scar, which turned out not to be real after all. After she took a minute to admire her delicate handiwork, he was told he could leave to join the others for lunch.

Suddenly feeling a lot more worried, Harry walked back to what he hoped was the Great Hall. As he entered it, he tried to take in the environment that he was in. Somehow, a lot of professional-looking film equipment had been ushered inside Hogwarts in the time that he had the Sorting Hat over his eyes. Yet the Great Hall seemed less like the magical ornate room that he saw not only a few minutes ago, and more like a giant film set. Was this possibly all a massive prank by the Dursleys for that snake incident? Was Hagrid not really who he said he was? Yet he was so sure that magic was real! And what about Ron? Where was Ron?

Harry scanned the horde of students until he spotted a flame of red hair. He made his way towards him.

‘Hey Ron, what’s going on?’

The red-haired boy was busy stuffing his face. As he turned to look at Harry, he realised that there was something off about Ron as well. His nose wasn’t as long and Harry couldn’t see any freckles on his face. ‘Oh, sorry Dan,’ he said thickly. ‘I skipped breakfast this morning. My tummy felt really weird, but I’m fine now and I’m absolutely famished.’ He swallowed loudly ‘You ok?’

Harry was now very worried that even Ron was calling him Daniel, yet he couldn’t come up with a way to ask him why without sounding crazy.

‘Um ... yeah, I think I am Ron,’ lied Harry.

Ron picked up another sandwich and took a great big bite. ‘That’s good. Hey, why are you calling me Ron, anyway? Are you doing that thing that actors do? What do they call it ... method acting? Just call me Rupert mate, come on.’

Harry wasn’t sure what to say to that, so he merely nodded and turned to the lunch table in front of him. He helped himself to some food as he tried to make sense of what was happening. It was as if someone thinks he is an actor or something.

‘These aren’t so bad, aren’t they?’ continued Rupert, gesturing to his robes. “Although I do feel a bit hot with all these fires around us though.”

‘Mmm,’ said Harry absentmindedly. His eyes caught a pale boy with blonde hair chatting with a round-faced boy and a very pretty girl with wild, bushy hair. The girl was laughing loudly at a joke that the pale boy made. With a shock, Harry realised that it was Malfoy, Hermione Granger and Neville Longbottom. Yet even they didn’t quite look the same as they did only a few minutes ago.

‘Emma seems to really like Tom, doesn’t she?’ said Rupert with a knowing smirk. ‘He’s so cool, though. Have you seen him do those skateboard tricks of his? Oh, wait, I think you were filming something then. Anyway, he did this thing –’ And he filled in Harry with avid descriptions of Tom’s various skateboarding tricks, while fervently wishing his parents would let him have one as well.

Harry started to feel even more nervous. He was now almost sure that something happened when Professor McGonagall had placed the Sorting Hat on his head. Was it possible that he was indeed somehow transported on a film set? Hogwarts had seemed so real.

‘Hope everyone’s had their fill. We’re going to start shooting in a few minutes,’ said the man with the distinct American accent. ‘Hello there, Rupert! I thought you said you were feeling sick today!’ he added teasingly to Rupert, who was taking his time polishing off a rather large cupcake.

‘Oh, hello Chris,’ said Rupert, as a slight blush appeared on his cheeks. ‘I’m actually feeling a lot better now.’

Chris laughed warmly. ‘That’s what I like to hear! Oh, and the scar is looking very nice Daniel. I hope these lights won’t make you sweat it off again. It’s hot in here, isn’t it?’ He took one look at his wristwatch and yelped. ‘Well, I have to start lining up the next couple of shots,’ he said hurriedly. ‘Dan, we’ll be doing the Sorting Hat bit again, ok? That last one came out fine, but the lighting was a little off and I wanna shoot it from a couple of different angles.’ He then clapped both Harry and Rupert on the shoulder and jogged off to a group who were rather busy doing something to a lot of professional-looking cameras.

‘Hello, Daniel,’ said a friendly voice behind Harry. He turned around to see the pretty girl with wild, bushy hair beaming at him. Seeing her so close, he would have thought that she was almost Hermione’s twin sister. ‘You were really good today. I don’t know why you say you get nervous. You make it look so easy.’

‘He’s even trying out method acting, Emma,’ sniggered Rupert. ‘He wants us to call him Harry all the time now. Give it a week, and we’ll have to address him as Lord Potter!’

‘Method acting?’ gasped Emma. ‘But that’s so fascinating! I learnt about it from my drama teacher at school. They say it really helps actors and actresses get into their roles well.’ She lowered her voice. ‘I bet all the adult actors have done it. They’re all so talented.’

‘Method acting for a part of a wizard is easy, Emma,’ drawled the pale boy with blonde hair. He and the round-faced boy had come to join them as well. Harry could not shake off the fact how closely they resembled Malfoy and Neville. ‘Just wave a stick about and shout _Abracadabra_ a few times. Extra points if you pull a rabbit out of a hat.’

Rupert and Matthew guffawed, while Emma blushed hard.

‘Shouldn’t you be with the Slytherins, Tom?’ she retorted, her cheeks still flaming red.

‘I can’t resist poking fun at my fellow Gryffindors, can I?’ smirked Tom. ‘Besides, filming’s about to start in a minute. You probably want to go near Dame Maggie, Dan. Oh, sorry. I mean, _Harry_.’ he said with a smirk. Chuckling, he added ‘I think you’ve been reading those books way too much, mate.’

‘What’s wrong with reading?’ demanded Emma.

‘Nothing!’ protested Tom. ‘I’m just saying that Dan has probably read the _Harry Potter_ books so much that he now thinks he’s him! Besides, if it weren’t for Ms. Rowling and her books, none of us would be here!’

Harry stared at them in stunned silence. The _Harry Potter_ books? Since when was his life turned into a book? And who was this Ms. Rowling? He briefly recalled how, on the train, Hermione had told him that she’d read about him in some books before she came to Hogwarts, but she didn’t say they were _Harry Potter_ books. They were just ordinary-sounding books that happened to have his name in them. He was starting to feel rather faint.

‘Everybody, start taking your places! We’re about ready to start rolling.’ boomed out Chris’s voice.

The same young lady who was wearing the comfortable, baggy clothes from earlier bustled over to them. ‘Ok, Rupert, Emma and Tom, you three are at your House tables. Someone will be there to position you. Daniel, Matthew, you two follow me.’

‘Good luck, Daniel,’ whispered Emma warmly.

As they made their way to their markers, Harry’s mind started to race. He was almost sure that he was somehow transported in a place where his life was apparently the basis for the film. But how did he get here? And how can he go back?

‘Daniel, you’re on this marker here, and you’re on this marker here, Matthew.’ said the young lady, as they arrived near the throng of the other children.

Harry shuffled to where the young lady gestured and stood in silence, desperately trying to think of a way to explain to everyone that he is not this Daniel that everyone keeps calling him, but Harry Potter. He tried to imagine everyone’s reaction to his explanation. They'd probably all think he’s mad.

‘Daniel, listen,’ said Chris as he hurried forward. ‘When I say action, just walk forward and get on that stool like before, and Dame Maggie will put the hat on your head. Don’t forget to ignore the camera, because we are going to be framing your face. We’ll cut there and then I’ll talk you through the next shot, ok?

Harry nodded, even though he wasn’t entirely sure if he understood everything that Chris had told him.

‘Remember, look nervous like before,’ Chris reminded him, before hurrying off again.

‘Good luck, mate,’ whispered Matthew to Harry.

‘Thanks,’ said Harry, his mouth suddenly dry. As he looked up, he stared as he saw Dumbledore, wearing deep red wizard robes, shuffle to his seat at the High Table (or the actor playing him, Harry supposed), and giving him a rogue wink. 

There was a call for silence, and another to roll sound (whatever that means, Harry thought), and there was a whole bit of business with a small black and white board that made a rather loud clapping sound, before he heard Chris’s voice yell out ‘ACTION!’

Harry glanced around, shuffled from behind Matthew and made his way up the steps. Trying to ignore the camera, he felt his legs almost give away before collapsing a little heavily on the rickety stool. Like before, the hat was placed on his head and it once again slipped over his eyes.

**‘Hmm,’ said a small voice in his ear. ‘Difficult. Very difficult. Plenty of courage, I see. Not a bad mind either. There's talent, oh my goodness, yes - and a nice thirst to prove yourself, now that's interesting ... So where shall I put you?’**

**Harry gripped the edges of the stool and thought, ‘Not Slytherin, not Slytherin.**

**‘Not Slytherin, eh?’ said the small voice. ‘Are you sure? You could be great, you know, it's all here in your head, and Slytherin will help you on the way to greatness, no doubt about that - no? Well, if you're sure - better be GRYFFINDOR!"**

As Harry heard the Sorting Hat announce his house, he heard a loud cheer cut through the silence. He took off the hat, and nearly gasped in shock. There were no more cameras, no more anything. Only a hoard of students from the Gryffindor table cheering his name, with the Weasley twins gleefully chanting that he was put in their house. Feeling a little unsteady, he somehow managed to make his way towards the table and sat down. As the noise died down, he smiled. He was finally back.

*

Daniel Radcliffe blinked. For some reason, he was on the floor. He could hear the director, Chris Columbus asking him something, but he wasn’t sure what it was. Had he fainted?

‘Are you ok, Daniel?’ Chris asked again. 'Can someone get the nurse, please?' he yelled.

Daniel felt someone rush over and place a cool cloth on his head. Truthfully, he felt like he was just waking up from a long nap. A nap with a rather vivid dream, he thought. And it had been such a good dream. He was at Hogwarts, and the Sorting Hat had put him in Gryffindor. And there were dishes piled high with the most delicious food, and ghosts that swopped all around. One could even nearly pull its head off.

He rubbed his eyes and, after catching the look of worry on Emma’s face, forced himself to get up and let the nurse give him a once-over. He really needed to stop reading those _Harry Potter_ books so late into the night.

**Author's Note:**

> This is a fic that I've been working on and off on for a while now, ever since I published the first chapter of Sirius's Letter back in late April. It turned out to be a good excuse to heavily research as much as I can about behind the scenes happenings during the filming of the first film. There is some seriously good content out there, along with some cute videos as well. Credit for inspiration goes to my own father, who jokingly suggested I should write some sort of parody fic. Here it is, Dad!


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